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Why is It Bad to Care About Beauty?

Caring about how you look does not mean you're vain.

Why do we consider it bad to say: “I feel really beautiful today. My hair does look great, thank you.”

I think women are very tied up with being perceived as vain. Yes, there are some very obvious women who have a lot of vanity, and that’s not attractive, but on the whole, women aren’t vain.

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Why is It Bad to Care About Beauty?

It’s time to start embracing your beautiful moments.

We spend so much time thinking our hair doesn’t look good, and we tend to wallow in that space. No one seems to mind hearing us talk about our bad hair days. Women especially are very hard critics on themselves. It’s hard for women to talk about their good days—the days when they feel really beautiful.

I’m here to tell you this: It’s not narcissistic to look in the mirror and think, “Hang on—I do look great today.” For some women that feeling doesn’t occur very often, so when you do have that great hair day, that day when you feel good, get out there and enjoy it.

QUIZ: How Healthy is Your Hair?

Embrace those moments when you feel sexy, or gorgeous, or energetic, or whatever your fantasy is in your mind about beauty.

When you start to enjoy that day or that moment of beauty, you learn to like yourself more, and then love yourself more, and then it just projects outward. Think about a day when your hair is a mess. If you feel that your disheveled, bedhead-hair looks really sexy, then you’re going to pull that off. Stop telling yourself, “Oh, I can’t be sexy. That’s not me.”

As a man, I have these moments when I feel handsome or rugged—whether I actually do look like that I don’t know, but I think I give that off sometimes. It works for me; I’ve learned not to pull it back and say, “No, that can’t be me.”

The same thing can happen in your mind.

Here’s the secret—it is possible to learn to be beautiful.  The truth is—if you really take a close look—many famous actresses aren’t incredibly beautiful. You see many more beautiful girls on the streets. We’re told actresses are beautiful, and so we start to believe they are beautiful, and I’m sure they start to believe it about themselves. Then they start to project that beauty.

Yes, they have stylists, and they are prepped and preened, and there’s that moment where everything comes together—lighting, hair and makeup—for that split second on a magazine photo shoot. (By the way, most women, given all that attention, could look as good or better than a lot of actresses.)

Actresses and people in magazines have learned to project their strengths. We don’t know what they’re actually like in person. If you met them you might not find them to be beautiful people after all.

The opposite is also true. I’ve met many women who aren’t conventionally beautiful, and then I’ve sat and had a conversation with them and thought, “Gosh, this woman is really attractive.” I don’t know why—there is just something about her. It might be her hair, or her eyes or her smile. It’s indescribable.

QUIZ: How Do You Feel About Your Face?

Realize that we can all learn to be beautiful by believing we have beautiful qualities. I do hair, and I know that every woman can do something with her hair to help herself. If you’re not happy with your hair, with the message it’s projecting: experiment. Somewhere along the way you might stumble upon what makes you feel beautiful.

It doesn’t have to be as drastic as chopping your hair off into a pixie cut, or going from blonde to red—your experiment can be as simple as skipping your usual ponytail, or treating yourself to a professional wash and blow dry.

The great thing about today is, no hairstyle is wrong or right. As someone who is in the fashion business, who works with the top people, you can’t tell me that one hairstyle is more or less beautiful than another.

The best hairstyle is the one that lets you express who you really are. What is your favorite hairstyle that makes you feel beautiful? Send a picture to beauty@youbeauty.com and show it off.

MORE: Get the Best Haircut for Your Hair Type

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