What Can Women Do About Their Stress?
The experts we spoke with offer up advice on how to deal with stress (while most are directed at handling financial stress, they’re applicable to managing stress in general):
1. Know Your Signs
Before you can manage your stress, you need to know what your cues for stress are, says Dr. Coons. Do you get irritable or anxious? Nervous or agitated? Overly tired? Stomachaches and headaches? Not enough sleep? Do you withdraw, cancel on plans and fail to reach out to friends?
Maybe you’ve been living under stress for so long that you’ve even come to tolerate these symptoms as part of your life. In this case, “Ask what is important to you, and whether you’re living in a way that’s working for you,” says Dr. Coons. Find out whether you’re too busy; check out these 13 signs that you need to slow down.
2. Put on Your Oxygen Mask First!
If you are noticing signs of stress, you must first and foremost take care of yourself as the top priority. “As they say on an airplane,” says Dr. Coons, “put on your oxygen mask first before you help others. Women think it’s selfish, but it’s not selfish. It’s self-respectable. It will make you more effective at dealing with responsibilities at work and home.”
Take mini breaks, go for a walk. Stop and sit in the sun for a while. Make sure you keep that lunch date. Instead of running two more errands, stop and browse your favorite antique shop or head home early for a bath. Force yourself to take care of yourself. As women, this is sometimes the hardest lesson for us to learn.
3. Face the Situation
Once you’ve replenished your reserves, it’s time to take stock of your situation. When it comes to your finances (or relationship issue, or other crisis), it’s important to take an account of what your current picture looks like, and educate yourself on what the options are. “Being ignorant or sticking our heads in the sand only makes matters worse,” says Dr. Levinson. “We can’t afford to be ignorant about our finances. Engage with the real situation.”
Maybe you feel bad about your debt, and that leads to inaction. Instead, put denial aside and shed honest light on the issue. If it’s too hard to do this alone, reach out for help. Consult a friend or family member who’s an expert, or check out LearnVest’s new Financial Plans, with Certified Financial Planners® on the other end who will gently guide you through what’s holding you back.
4. Start Talking and Building a Village
One of Dr. Coons’ favorite adages is, “It takes a village to raise a child.” (You could certainly apply the phrase to other goals as well). A sure way to lower stress is to get others in on your problem. “Women can have a tough time asking for help,” says Coons.
When it comes to finances, Dr. Levinson agrees: “It’s important to talk with others, to not let the shame of the situation or the self-criticism stop you from getting support. Talking with others not only helps us to problem-solve, but also to feel not so alone and isolated in handling the situation. That’s huge. To go through this problem with other people absolutely brings a better outcome.”
5. Tap Into Your Feelings
If money is about numbers, and we know what we need to be doing, why is it so stressful? Why does it make us cry, do crazy things and keep us up at night? (And it’s not just about how much you have; the wealthy also feel stressed.)
“Money is not just numbers on a page,” says Dr. Levinson. “We’re taught that we’re just supposed to be rational about money when in fact our feelings and experiences greatly influence how we relate to money. Women have lots of feelings about money that they’ve been taught to push aside. We’re further impaired when we push our feelings aside.”
“Our relationship to money is more complex than just about any other psychological aspect of our lives,” says Dr. Levinson. “You need to understand where your feelings about it come from. Include your feelings in any of the financial equations or solutions that you come up with.”
Try taking our Money Belief Quiz and see if that sheds some light.
6. Get Physical
The study reports: “Though exercise does rank among one of the top choices for managing stress, a great many Americans continue to choose more sedentary activities to wind down,” such as listening to music, reading or napping (and let’s be real, watching TV must be on the top of everyone’s list, but no one was admitting it).
“Exercise is one of the top methods for managing stress because it affects the mind and the body,” says Dr. Anderson. Take a walk or get some exercise—and if you combine doing this with a buddy, you can get physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation. That sounds like a triple threat of stress reduction.
7. Assess How Your Time Is Spent
Finally, we are stressed because we lack time. Because of our responsibilities at work and home, and our tendency to take on the burdens of those around us, women need to be more aggressive and proactive about how we manage our schedules so that stress reduction time is built in, and is as fiercely protected as a kid’s soccer game or a work meeting.
Lack of time was a top reason cited in the study for why people couldn’t make healthy lifestyle changes. “When we ask them what are the barriers to change, they say lack of time,” says Dr. Anderson. “This suggests improvements in managing their time can lead to improvements in their stated goals of improving their health.”
Check out these tips on how to better manage your time, and learn how to prioritize so this precious asset is invested in the things that are really important to you.
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