China Has a Whole Holiday Called “Singles’ Day”

China’s version of Cyber Monday is a holiday called Singles’ Day, wherein single people spend all the money they save on candlelight dinners on steeply discounted online shopping. (Not that you ever need a reason for online shopping.) The holiday, November 11th (or “Double 11” as its described in China) was adopted by China’s biggest retailer Alibaba in 2009 and has been branded as an “anti-Valentine’s Day.” According to the BBC, this year’s Singles’ Day has already shipped 250 million orders of what I can only assume are vibrators, Snuggies, and gourmet cheese (to be eaten, of course, while watching “Golden Girls” reruns and browsing premium Tinder). Between the singles’ discounts in China and getting married alone in Japan, there are no more reasons to live in the Western hemisphere.