The Relationship Scientist

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Where to go from here? You feel like you have decent answers to the questions above and that your therapist is well-versed in one of the treatments I’ve mentioned. What’s next? My suggestion is for you to think about the first few sessions as an evaluation of sorts. To be sure, you should invest as much energy as you can in the treatment and your therapist’s recommendations, but you also want to ask yourself if this therapist, in practice, is the best match for you and for what you think your relationship needs. These are general issues about fit, but you can consider the following questions:

1. Does my therapist understand my perspective on our relationship problems?
2. Do I feel connected and as if I have a good alliance with this person?
3. Does my therapist seem to take sides, perhaps suggesting that one of us is right/wrong about the majority of our issues?
4. Most simply, with the help of this therapist, is our relationship going to be better off now than before we started treatment with this person?

Time and again, research shows us that feeling understood by and connected to your therapist is important for a good outcome, and this is no less important in couple treatment than in individual therapy. You have the right to evaluate your therapist and make sure he/she is a good fit for you. You want to find someone you connect with and who does not take sides in your relationship disagreements. Making sure this is the case is the last step in choosing a good couples therapist.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find this advice helpful.

Copyright David A. Sbarra, Ph.D., August 3, 2011