Last week, the newly svelte Kirstie Alley told “People” magazine she lost 100 lbs. because, “I didn't like the way I looked, and I didn't want to have fat sex!”
Now that the former Jenny Craig spokeswoman is thin again, she announced she’s finally ready for love.
But while she looks great on the outside, her comments call into question what’s going on inside. It seems Alley is missing out on a key ingredient in her diet regimen—being sexy has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.
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“Sex is so healthy for women. It helps with our cardiac and immune systems, it helps with our blood pressure, our respiration, it helps us be less depressed and our overall quality of life goes up when we’re having healthy sex,” notes psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, LEC, who counsels people who struggle with food addiction.
The ladies of “The View” were quick to contradict Alley when they recently discussed the comments. Sherri Shepard wasn’t shy about saying, "I got some big girlfriends, [who weigh like] 250. They are doing it well, let me tell you!" And Whoopi Goldberg added, “There are a lot of skinny women who hate their bodies, so I don't think it's fat sex or skinny sex, you're either having good sex or you ain't."
Rapini has found that, “Women’s sexuality is very tied into their body image.” She also pointed out that some women hide behind their weight as an excuse to avoid physical contact and then place the blame on their partners. Rapini explains their reasoning saying, “‘[Men] don’t like me because I’m fat.’ But it’s much harder if you’re a normal weight and then you get rejected because they don’t like you because of you, and that’s a harder thing to fix.”
Furthermore, it’s rarely the man complaining about size. “Most men will not kick a naked woman out of the bed,” says Rapini.
Fat, skinny, or somewhere in between, no one is immune from insecurity. “I think every woman has some issue with her body,” Rapini has found in her experience. Whether it’s cellulite covered saddlebags, or a big schnoz, or floppy arms, nobody, or rather, no body is perfect.
So instead of looking at what we have that we don’t like, we ladies should focus on what we really need to be sexy: confidence. That word might be easier said then done, but it’s definitely doable for everyone.
To get comfortable in your own skin, Mrs. Rapini prescribes her patients exercise, particularly yoga because, “It makes women more flexible and more mindful of their bodies... and in that you’re building an incredible confidence.” Perhaps the only thing sexier than bending over is confidence!
So while healthy eating will help you lose weight, gaining self-love and that self-assured swagger is very important to a great sex life. Hopefully, with this recent weight loss boost, Kirstie Alley will finally be able to hold onto her body confidence, no matter what her scale says.
That’s a good challenge for all of us, even if Sam Malone won’t return our phone calls.
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