Sussman argues that so much of intercourse is focused on pleasing our partner. The ladies who participated in the study managed their own bliss exploration. So, we gals have take matters into our own hands, literally. Or, perhaps even pick up a battery operated boyfriend you have complete control over—a vibrator.
When it comes to learning what makes we ladies orgasm, “It’s a matter of getting comfortable touching yourself,” Sussman says. “As women get older they become more curious about their bodies and their sexual response and they get more comfortable with themselves.” In fact, some have argued that sex really starts getting good after 40. (Feel free to use that statistic to justify your cougar lifestyle.)
But why get hung up on age? Whether you're new to sex or have been doing it for years, if you’re struggling to find the joy of sex, a good place to start feeling comfortable with your body what learning what it can do is in yoga class. Sussman explains: “It’s just a great way to slow our brains down, slow yourself down, and just figure out what is it about your body that can give you the most pleasure.” Hey, there’s got to be a reason it’s been popular for roughly five thousand years!
Once you know your own body you’re ready to share it with your partner. To garnish the same mind blowing effects as the study, Sussman suggests showing the way, exactly like the research did, by focusing on one part at a time and letting the sexy anticipation build as you’re lavished with attention.
She views this exploratory touching as a kind of naughty meditation. Sussman has her couple clients start with this first homework assignment: “Have her be naked and then, very gently, touch her in different parts of her body.”
And every body is different. Much like the new study has shown, Sussman admits that she has seen firsthand that variety truly is the spice of life. “I get all sorts of interesting responses, even something like when you rub me on this part of my I arm I feel tingling in my vagina,” she said. “People will tell you rubbing different parts of your body often times produces sensations that they weren’t expecting.”
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