- Posted in: Sex
my boyfriend and i have been have sex for 2 and a half months (hes 21 and im 19) from what hes told me (and i believe him) out of the 6 or 7 girls hes slept with ive been the only one to drive him completely crazy, which i think is great. but never once have i had an orgasm and he feels really bad about it. hes the first guy ive ever had sex with too.
he recently asked last weekend while we were on vacation about “eating me out” he said from what hes heard girls love it and he thinks it might help me orgasm. i let him give me hickies and love bites around my hips, thighs and vagina but i wouldnt actually let him do anything else.
im scared of both my reaction and his. i would think that it would taste so soooo bad, and even though im sure ill like it im really jumpy (past events) and i dont think id relax enough. im sure even if he didnt like the taste or anything hed be nice about it and just simply tell me its not a good idea.
were both really curious about it does anyone have any tips or warnings or anything to help?
First of all, you gotta knock this idea we all get taught that our bodies are ‘gross’ or ‘taste bad'; bodies are bodies and nothing they do is ‘gross’–the majority of excretions like sweat, oil, tears, saliva, sexual fluids, even urine, are a combo of water, salt, and oil. That’s all! Heck that’s stuff humans like to eat all the time, you know? That said, if you want to ‘taste your best’ then that means tasting healthy. And ‘healthy’ means: drink enough water (i.e. at least 1-3litres a day!), eat fresh food (vs processed food) if you can afford it, and, for an extra boost, citrus helps everybody’s sexual fluids taste better. Foods to avoid 24-48 hrs before are asparagus, and oysters, as those contain chemicals that are bitter. Also just generally: don’t consume a whole lot of EXTRA salt or sugar (any kind of fruit sugar is ok though! Don’t cut out fresh fruit or 100% juice EVER unless you are allergic to something).Now, I feel it’s my duty to tell you that any time there’s an exchange of bodily fluids you need to know your partner and you are both disease-free! You’re both old enough and sexually active enough that you should BOTH get a full run of tests before trying oral sex or barrier-less sex; try going to a planned parenthood, they offer a lot of free sexual health services. This is NOT NEGOTIABLE, especially because he’s had multiple partners in the past (he should have offered you evidence he’d been tested already!!). GET CHECKED. It’ll put your minds at ease and means you don’t have to fuss with dental dams. If either of you do find out you have something, do not panic and don’t blame each other. It’s not a sign of some kind of moral failing (do we say people are immoral for getting a cold?), just take medicine and listen to your doctor. Also, remember, herpes (any kind of it) is a COMMON AND HARMLESS virus that HALF the human population has. We only think it’s terrible bc the advertising agencies have told us so in order to sell us things. I’m serious; look it up if you don’t believe me.Things NOT to do: douche–do not do not do not! It is super bad for you and can cause yeast infections and UTIs! Why? Well, your vulva (the whole kit is called a vulva, the vagina is only the passage inside to the womb) has its own army of protective critters and chemicals to keep infections and other nastier critters away from that delicate mucous membrane. If you douche (even with plain water), or wash with soap, those critters and chemicals get washed off and your vulva is left without protection. Yeast LOVES warm and moist places, and as my doctor has said ‘there’s nowhere warmer or moister than a vulva and vaginal passage’. Your vulva can and does clean itself, just like a penis does.Things HE needs to do after you both get clean test results back: brush his teeth, wash his hands, trim and file his nails, and educate himself on the parts of a vulva. You both also should TALK about what YOU like. What do you do when you masturbate? What parts do you focus on? Most people like to focus on the clitoris when they masturbate, as its the most sensitive; and during oral sex the g-spot is pretty inaccessible since it’s too far inside for the tongue to reach. Go over your vulva together–introduce him!–and make sure he’s respectful and interested in learning. If he acts like you have to change or says you smell or taste bad, DROP HIM. You deserve a man who respects you and loves your HUMAN body. You are not a silicone doll, you have a scent and a taste that is human and alive and if he can’t accept that he needs to go. During oral sex you should communicate too–what feels good, what doesn’t, etc. This is about you! And experiment too! Have fun! Mix up oral sex and fingering, try using a bullet vibrator, try minty lip balms or ice–above all, keep communication open. Let him know you’re nervous for goodness sakes; if he’s a good boyfriend he’ll be genuinely supportive and want to help. Be on the lookout for negging, though! DO NOT ACCEPT BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS. He can either respect you and boost you up, or he can go to hell. I cannot emphasise that enough.I’ve been having oral sex for a lot of years and it is the MOST FUN THING, I really wish you both well and hope my advice has helped.
I wouldn’t think you should be scared to attempt anything sexual. I haven’t been sexual for that long, but i do know sex is an adventure which it’s okay to try new things. This guy friend of mine recently became my “Friend with benefits” we’re both single, and he wants me, i want him.. it’s an experience. Just whatever you do, son’t think that there is ANYTHING wrong with your body. It’s okay to be a little scared, but don’t freak out! It is something that feels pretty good, and i haven’t heard any complaints. Just relax, and have fun!!
Men love the way that women smell and taste. To give you an orgasm requires a technique that is ideally suited to your particular body. So, you need to study up on oral sex and try different techniques until you get it right. Also, you can try to get him to give you a full-body orgasm, also known as a squirting orgasm or a vaginal orgasm. There are instructions online for this. It involves massaging the inside front surface of your vagina with his fingers touching the spot that feels like a raisin. Use lubricant for this one.
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