Member

My husband was my first boyfriend for 4 years and I marriend to him for 26 miserable years.  I am 47 years old.   I don’t have to divorce him because we have 2 beautiful boys in their teen years.  Please help.  I feel guilty to death now becuase I did want to hurt them but the is increadible with the man.

 
Member

Just be honest.

Regards,

bettyliem

 
Member

Thank you bettyliem.

 
Member

Good morning Darasarangs,

I certaintly hope that you have not been miserable for 26 years. I would think since the boys are teens now you had an opportunity to not have any children during the first say 10 years. It is never a good idea to engage in a relationship outside your marriage. If you are happy with your other relationship I say that you be completely honest with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. It is never a good idea to stay in a relationship for the kids.

What could happen is that your children may start to resent you for being unfaithful to their dad and you don’t want to go down that road. I am a divorcee and my kids still have a great relationship with their dad. My children are 15 and 11. My relationship with their dad had run it’s course and we sat down and talked and decided that it was time for us to go our separate ways.

It is not healthy for you, your husband, your children and the other man involved to be tangled up in such a web. Please have an open and honest conversation with your husband. I hope this helps and good luck.

Erika

 
Member

thank you Erika for your thoughful insight.  I wish I have the nerve to be honest with my husband.  I could not risk he will be so mad at me.  I admire you that you have streghth to divorce your husband.

 
Member

Thank you Dara, but we all have the strength to do things that we see as impossible. You do have the nerve. I know the feeling…they huge lump in your throat, the butterflies in your stomach, the panic and not to mention the sadness/guilt for children. When thoughts of being with someone else entered my mind I knew that I had to own up to the fact that my ex-husband and I were no longer in love, but coexisting for the sake of the children.

It was a relief for me to get it off my chest. Dara what is the alternative you get caught, your husband lashes out, huge blowout, and a lot of hurt feelings. You doing it yourself you have a bit of control of the situation at hand.

Think about it for a while and I am sure you will make the decision that makes sense to. Remember there are no wrong choices in life…just lessons learned. Take care.

Erika

 
Member

Thank you Erika for not judging me.  And for your empathy and compassion for a lost woman.

 
Member

Thank you Erika for not judging me.  And for your empathy and compassion for a lost woman.

 
Member

Thank you Erika for not judging me.  And for your empathy and compassion for a lost woman.

 
Member

No worries Darasarangs. Who am I to judge…I only offer my insight. Hope you find yourself through this. Be blessed.

 
Member

Thank you.  You so kind.

 
Member

I think you should talk to your husband and see where are you both standing in the relationship and if you both decide to part ways then you both deserve happiness but if you decided you wanted to work on the spark… Then you need to really evaluate your happiness. I am all for what makes you happy as long as everybody is okay.

 
Member

Ever tried a marriage course to spark the life back again?

 
Member

before u give up on your marriage,have fought keep it.it could be a simple case of inexperience or laziness here.do u know that u have seduce ur husband,workon s exual part of yur marriage? marriage like dating.u cnt just opt out without trying.I think u shud go for some strip-tease,pole-dancing classes.

Another thing is,u might marry guy ure currently cheating on your husband with,only find that same thing will happen again.its called familiarity.u will get tired of each other’s bodies,same with ur husband unless u d smething abt it!!!!

 
Member

I agree with Godzoned: Have you thought about discussing it with perhaps a marriage counselor or something?  Maybe the both of you can go together to sort the issue out or I do think you can go alone if he refuses.  If the finances are like pinching too many pennies to go to such a person, you guys may have to discuss this issue out until y’all come to a conclusion.  Men can be a strange gender (many think that about us, too.  Ha!,) so you may have to research on how to approach him about this (that is just my opinion and style of approach, though.)   I would suggest for divorce as a last resort, but it’s your life and your choice.

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