what can I do about my fiance's aggressive scary driving?

by grocker

9 months ago

Viewed 339 times

Last night we were in the car and he was upset because the truck in front of us was going less than 10 mph under the speed limit.Typical. I spoke up and said perhaps there are cars in front of that truck not allowing him to go any faster. We had just had dinner and were going to stop at the grocery store on the way home. He proceeds to "encourage" the driver in the truck to go faster by following waaaaay to close. I asked him to back off because he was scaring me. He did not. In fact, he pulls into the oncoming lane to pass "this idiot" and there are like six cars all bunched up he has to pass and of course now oncoming traffic is quickly approaching. I beg him to please get back in line. He does not. He passes all the cars and says "see!". The night up until this point was wonderful. So upset. He risked our lives. I told him I hope his passing all the cars ( and the grocery store) was worth me being very upset with him. I got out of the car and have not said another word to him. I do not want to get in the car with him to go anywhere! I was very polite the whole time. I never raised my voice, said any curse words or anything but now I'm thinking because I did not maybe he does not understand how serious this is. What is the best way to handle this?

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  MellowD replied 8 months ago:

  You have to look at all the behaviors… are his relationships with others intense and unstable. Does he swing wildly from love to hate and back again. Does he tend to see things in terms of extremes, either all good or all bad and typically view himself as victim of circumstance and take little responsibility for himself or his problems? Might he have feelings of emptiness and boredom, frequent displays of inappropriate anger? Is he impulsive with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting? Is he intolerant of being alone or recurrent acts of crisis such as wrist cutting, overdosing, or self-injury (such as cutting)

  All those things are very unnerving alone when put together are hell to live with… please look at the big picture. No one ever stays at the exact same place… they are either getting better or worse… growing or dying.  You are the only person you can do anything about. You can talk until your blue in the face to no avail. You need worry about you and no matter how much you love him put you first. I know this all maybe very extreme to you and I hope it is…. But I wish I would have looked at the whole picture and maybe I could have avoided the nightmare.

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  chickenator replied 7 months ago:

  “You have to look at all the behaviors… are his relationships with others intense and unstable. Does he swing wildly from love to hate and back again. Does he tend to see things in terms of extremes, either all good or all bad and typically view himself as victim of circumstance and take little responsibility for himself or his problems? Might he have feelings of emptiness and boredom, frequent displays of inappropriate anger? Is he impulsive with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting? Is he intolerant of being alone or recurrent acts of crisis such as wrist cutting, overdosing, or self-injury (such as cutting)”

  All those things are very unnerving alone when put together are hell to live with… please look at the big picture. No one ever stays at the exact same place… they are either getting better or worse… growing or dying.  You are the only person you can do anything about. You can talk until your blue in the face to no avail. You need worry about you and no matter how much you love him put you first. I know this all maybe very extreme to you and I hope it is…. But I wish I would have looked at the whole picture and maybe I could have avoided the nightmare.

  
  by: MellowD

  
  

  -hey that's BPD, right?
  

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