I know it sounds like a molehill blown WAY out of proportion, but my spine is broken. From the top vertebrae all the way down. I've had #3 thru 6 fused and repaired, but there are so many more broken and excrutiatingly painful that hurt EVERY single day all day long all the time no matter what i do or what medications i'm on at the time.
Living a full life is a serious roller coaster without sidewalls or a seatbelt! Pain vs determination. Pain vs stubborness and desire for fun and productivity.
The only thing that actually recharges me to fight the pain monsters is live music! The energy, vibe, sound, and joy! It makes me feel alive, where the constant nag of pain is like a three year old who wont take no for an answer when the ice cream truck is on your street!
I wonder why I'm not helped by the medical community, who've documented many times how many broken bones I have. They pull away and feed me excuses to avoid thinking what i have to live with.
If I had money, I'd have gotten a few more fusions done (even tho i love surgery like i'd love chewing off my own foot). My ex husband was unwilling to allow me to be repaired so I could support myself, and be rid of his financial input. He bought a house. I'm still broken and can't work.
I know where I can get some help, but MediCAL doesn't want to work with them. My surgeon/ hero has moved on to bigger and better hospitals to expand his career, so I can't even get a local orthopedic or neurosurgeon to talk to me about helping me.
Anyone have any ideas or input? It's just like stranding at the top of Seattle's Space Needle in a wind storm. Yikes!!
