Sakobrien
replied over 1 year ago:
Hi Salle,
I remember days like that and somehow I made it through. First of all, pat yourself on the back for taking responsibility for your family. It will make you stronger. Secondly, you should not carry the burden of the housework alone. Get your kids invloved and give them some of the duties. Everyone can pitch in as they are part of the family. I work with students at school who are in difficult family situations and I tell them life is not always fair, but that does not mean they should give up. Many students care more than their parent or parents think and are confused and want some direction. Sit them down and have a family discussion. Tell them the situation is hard for everyone, including you. Tell them their father made some bad choices and must pay the consequences. As their parent you expect certain behavior out of them, including doing well in school and helping out at home. Stand by what you say and hold them accountable for their behavior. Spend family time together when possible and hopefully this will bring you some peace at home. As the doctor mentioned, seek the help of a social worker, as this situation is stressful for all. Try seeking help at the children's schools. My school has a family center where parents can turn to for all kinds of help, including financial. They have resources for helping single parents, including mentoring programs for students to give them positive male role models. Most kids want structure, stability and responsibility in their lives, but cannot articulate this, and they stress too. Once the family situation has some order, you should work in time for yourself. I know I had a couple of good friends and did not want to burden them with my troubles, so I tried to keep requests for help and talk about my problems to a minimum and they were usually willing to assist if they could. We would schedule some time too where we did not talk about problems and had a movie night from the dollar movie rental or did our nails, etc. Money was tight for all of us. Two of my friends with three kids each ended up sharing a home to save expenses and provide support for each other. (It can work if freinds have similar views on discipline and expectations for their kids.) Additionally, if you need a better job, there are resources to help put you through a good program, especially in the medical field. I felt embarrassed at first to ask for help, but eventually it paid off. Many churches offer support of all kinds too. Mine had a great youth program.I wish you luck with your family. You will succeed.
