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Can a long distance relationship work out?

(13 replies)
User_392183

by ThinkLikeWater

10 months ago

Viewed 2063 times

Were both very much in love and he shows me more kindness than anyone has. We talk everyday. I worry sometimes about the possibilities that he could be cheating on me because I know less about what he does daily than a relationship that is local. We talk about each others days, concerns, etc. and I have faith that he won't cheat. But, I'm wondering if this relationship is a lost cause because he lives a few states away and we can't see each other much.

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    jpolanco replied 10 months ago:

    If you guys have been together around six months or more then you should be able to trust him. If you are in love then go for it! You won't know if it works if you don't try. 

  • User_395856
    XcaseyX101 replied 10 months ago:

    im not a big fan of long distance relationships mainly cause i dont like making the other person feel sort of tied down. its not the greatest idea especially if you r still a teen since these relationships come and go. think about how much you guys have been thru together then make sure you arent setting yourself up to be hurt in the end

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    JNibff replied 10 months ago:

    I tried one once, and the guy was really sweet, but it just got too difficult to try and arrange a date.

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    mauvourneen replied 10 months ago:

    I believe it depends on what your relationship was prior to your long-distance relationship.  Were you good friends, or did you not know each other for very long?  My husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for 9 months before we moved in together.  I lived in Maine, and he lived in New York.  However, before we started dating, we attended the same college in Upstate New York and were really great friends for those four years.  I kept trying to his attention - but even though he valued me as a great friend, he never "liked" me that way.  It wasn't until we graduated and I went home to Maine that he realized he loved me, and he asked me to come and visit him in New York for a family friend's wedding.

    And we all know that you don't invite your platonic opposite-sex friend to a wedding Wink  A few days after I went home from said wedding, he called me up and asked me out.  We dated for only 4 months before he proposed in a swank hotel room in Boston.  We were still in our long distance relationaship for another 5 months (but now engaged!) before I moved to New York and we started living in our first apartment.  We were married about 1 year later.

    Our long distance relationship worked because we all ready knew each other's personalities.  We saw each other every day for 4 years before we even started dating, so while it was painful to stay apart for a few months at a time, we made sure to make our time together memorable.  Once every few months we spent a couple days in Boston.  We splurged on a nice hotel room and went out for a romantic dinner.  I spent days planning what I was going to wear so that I looked perfect.  

    Because our friendship was so strong prior to our romantic relationship, the long distance worked.  It was difficult, for sure, but I'm glad I stuck with it.

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    teresa brown replied 10 months ago:

    I don't think long distance relationship will work out because you never know what you getting yourself into, he might be cheating and you never think twice about how it going to last. I been with this guy for almost 3years we has good relationship until this year he told me that he has done s omething really bad and he want us to work it out, I don't think it would because he been a DOG!!!! so i figure that need to pack his stuff that he gave me during in relationship when we was together to gave back to him to make him look bad or sad. I got a letter in a mail one day from him which i though it was from him it wasn't it a  woman that she send to me, and said i needs to stop writing ,text or calling him so now he never did told me to stop any those things. she told me also will be getting married less then 3 weeks so here i'm trying to move on.Undecided

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    Abbie8778 replied 10 months ago:

    I know a man who was in a monogomous relationship for 2 years until he moved.  The young woman he was in in the relationship with had difficulty accepting the move.  They decided to have this long distance relationship.  At first he was either going there or she was coming here, but it's been about a year now and, frankly, he's tired of being alone most of the time.  I know that he has a relationship with another woman or women (not sure) but  he still tries to maintain the long distance relationship.  I told him when he got here and was going to try this type of relationship that what happens will be entirely up to her and he agreed.  He has no problem with here remaining completed devoted to him.  She wants to move here, but he doesn't want her to.  He does not want a wife and refuses to let here move here just because of him.  My heart goes out to her (I don't know her personally), but I know him.  She is setting herself up for a big fall.  I wish she would listen to and follow her conscience.  She knows he's not always available and he can't keep up with him.  Red flags are everywhere. 

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    3TxCats replied 9 months ago:

    Distance does not change a person's character. Someone who will cheat, will cheat. I met my almost-husband my last semester of graduate school. We were casually dating for five months, before I graduated and moved from NYC to VA. We dated long distance (a lot of phone calls, visits every month or so) for nearly a year and a half before he finished his degree and moved in with me in VA. After awhile, we caught up on the day-to-day quickly and had more philosophical conversations which allowed us to get to know each other on a level that's hard to when you are in person. That was 7 years ago and our wedding is in 39 days :) My best friend from high school also survived a long distance relationship. She met her now-husband online, they visited/ talked on the phone, then he got transferred to Japan. A year later, they got married in HI and a few months after that she moved to Japan. They've been married for three years now, have a 14 month old son and you'd never know they started out so geographically removed from each other. Like I said, it just depends on who you are and whether or not the relationship is a priority to both parties in it!

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    ginapanagea replied 9 months ago:

    We lived 2 hrs apart, dated for 5 yrs and are now very happily married.  We even lived apart for 1 year after getting married.   Learn to like yourself.  Spend the time alone doing things you like to do.  I loved my time with my husband and learned to love the time by myself just as much.

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    Sota replied 9 months ago:

    I have been in a long distance relationship for 2,5 years now. We were friends for a year before we got together. It is hard sometimes, but most relationships are. We see each other around six times a year. As we Get to know each other better, it gets easier and we communicate in a good way, so we Work through our differences. Knowing when to see each other next time before we part is something that help us feel more connected. We know that we will have to carry on long distance for two more years before he can move here. But we are both very busy because of Work and school, and I also have a daughter. But we know that we will both graduate in two years. Then he will Join us, and after some time being just us and my now 7 year old daughter, we want to have hopefully two more kids. Heving a Goal that we both agree on also helps a lot. We also do little things that help us connect. We talk every day, we skype sometimes, but mostly we keep it simple. Sometimes we skip the day to day Stuff and we have deep conversations, but it is important to not feel pressured to have important and deep conversations all the time. Last time he was here, he forgot his jacket, and when I miss him, I just smell it or put it on. The small Stuff count double long ddistance.

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    victoria99 replied 9 months ago:

    I am in a long distance relationship.  He is in Spain and I am in the US.  Because we can not touch each other or kiss, we send deep personal messages to each other.  And videos and IM's.  I see a side of him that it might take a year to get this close with another man.  I think I just lucked out, and met a real man.  I love him very much and we will have a very good Christmas.  I talk to his children and I really love his children.  If the long distance didn't last too long, I would say go for it.

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    mercyV replied 9 months ago:
    I met my husband in college and after a year of dating/friendship we got married. Three years into our marriage he moved to Wisconsin and I stayed in california. It's been a little over a year and to say it's been difficult it's an understatement. I get lonely a lot and find that minor things irritate me and stress me out. I too am afraid of him cheating on me, but the truth is that if he is going to cheat he could do it anywhere. Do I think we are stronger? YES, but at a very high price. I love our conversations and the time that we do get to spend together. We consciously argue less because we know how valuable our time with each other is. Sometimes when you are in a committed relationship you stop doing things on your own because you don't have the time. So in this time apart I have been focusing on grad school, my personal goals and making friends. Would I ever do it again? NO. We did it for money. But it wasn't necessary for us. I think that if you can avoid it you should. But if you can't then work on yourself in every possible way. Help him understand that you might miss him in a different way than he would miss you. Lastly, try to see each other at least 6 times a year. Best wishes
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    cndoctor replied 8 months ago:

    I met my man through my past company I worked at. Well when been together now for 8yrs and it has not been easy but it understanding. See I understood when I decided to presue this relationship it was long distance. At the time I was still getting over a 10yr relationship. I only been broken up with that person for about a year. I had a toddler that was busy and a career I was just starting to jump start. So the distance was needed for me to focus on my, the child, and my career. Now 8yrs later I saying I am ready for closure relationship. Well that maybe doable if we can figure somethings out. I know for sure the way we make this work is by having open honest communication. I don't hide anything and neither does he. We try to be understand at all times and patient. I sometimes find it hard being alone all the time but I do things to pass the time away. I miss dating, but the great part is I have friends I can spend time with. I pray each day and be thankful for his love. Now do get me wrong it isn't easy task each day, I have desired to cheat. But will not because I understand what I have and honestly the grass isn't greener on the other side. The AWESOME, POWERFUL, AMAZING Qualities this man of mine has makes me keep a clear head on the prize. Wink

  • User_415669
    ModeratorErika replied 8 months ago:

    Long distance relationships can be compared to a long term goal. You know you want to be a doctor but you don't see immediate results. There is a lot of hardwork between you and your doctorate. That degree seems so close but so far away. Same is to be said about LDR's (long distance relationships)...if you truly respect the relationship and put in the work the payout can be great.

    Make sure if you intend on going forward with this LDR you make all your fears and expectations known. Never assume that the other person knows what you would consider unacceptable. I am have learned from experience that there can be no secrets (well maybe just the embarrassing one...Embarassed). There has to be a set schedule as to when you two are going to talk to each other - and create an activity that you would do if you two were actually living together. For example picking a movie to watch and you both watch it or a book of the month. Try SKYPE!!!! It is an amazing service and although you cannot touch each other you will get some relief seeing each other.

    I am an eternal optimist and I always hope everything goes well. Remember life is not a dress rehearsal DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!

    ~Erika

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