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Having faith in myself.

7 replies

over 3 years ago

Two years ago, I was in a relationship and I broke it off with the guy because I was diagnosed with epilepsy. He avoided me afterwards for a year and fairly recently, he and I are talking again as friends. I want to be with him again but I am very worried that I might have seizure. He knows I broke up with him for that reason and he tells me that it's okay. I feel doubtful since he's never seen me have a seizure. How can I find the confidence/faith to be with him regardless of my health difficulties?
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  • User_8
    over 3 years ago
    That's a tough question, but he sounds like he's supportive and loving so trusting him may just be a leap of faith for you. If he says that he wants to be with you and support you, then try letting him in and let his response help you build that faith. It may help to educate him about epilepsy and talk to him about exactly how you'd like him to support you so he feels confident and comfortable with his ability to do that. There are some amazing organizations that educate, support, and advocate for people with epilepsy and their loved ones. I've actually worked with one for many years now that I would definitely recommend--it's called CURE (Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy, http://www.cureepilepsy.org) and they've built a wonderful nationwide community of incredibly supportive individuals, families and couples dealing with all the same issues that you mentioned here. Just remember: You deserve to be happy, fulfilled and unconditionally loved regardless of any health difficulties you might have. All the best to both of you.
  • Sbarra
    David Sbarra, Ph.D. Relationship Expert
    over 3 years ago
    Dear aries73 - I'm replying as the YB.com "relationship expert" and as a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in working with couples. First, this sounds like a difficult and painful experience for you. I'm sorry the last two years have been so tough. Let me sum-up my response with a single word: Trust. You have to trust that this can work out well. You have to trust that your friend (potential partner) is being honest when he says, "It's OK." You have to trust yourself to know what's the correct and good decision in this situation. And, most importantly, you have to trust your ability to be OK if this doesn't work out in the end. You stated that you broke up with him "... because I had epilepsy." The single most important question you can ask yourself now is this: What's changed? Do you trust he's changed and is ready to accept all of you? Is there real evidence that he's willing to accept you and your condition? Is there evidence that he's not? Also, how have YOU changed? Are you ready to share this part of your life with another person? So many times in life we make up reasons in our head to prevent feeling bad at some point in the future. The problem with these types of thoughts is that they prevent us from testing reality. Maybe the reality of the situation is that he'll see you just as you are-- a complete person who happens to have a chronic medical condition. Maybe he'll love you more if he can share that difficult part of your life with you. Maybe he can help you manage your epilepsy in a way you never even thought possible. Realizing these positive possibilities requires that you trust what he's saying and approach the situation optimistically. This takes courage, of course, but it's quite possible to do, provided you don't have clear evidence that he can't handle strong emotions/experiences in general. If there's a legitimate reason to think he's going to crumble once he learns the ins-and-outs of your life with epilepsy, then the pay-off might not be worth the risk. However, if your concerns are mostly in your head ("what ifs..."), then the best thing you can do is to give it a whirl and get some actual evidence on how he handles everything. This is a very tough decision, I realize. Unless you have clear reasons why it can't work, why not go for it? If you can find the courage to trust that it can and will work out, no matter what happens, I think you'll be on your way to a very positive outcome. I hope these thoughts help. Please feel free to write back.
  • User_29402
    over 3 years ago
    Hi Aries. If he doesn't care about your Epilepsy, by all means be with him!! I know he avoided you at first, but it was probably because he was scared. Men like to feel like they need to protect us. ;) I say this because I was diagnosed with Lupus and it scared my husband a little at first, but he loves me so much that he is willing to deal with the problems that come with it. Thank goodness I'm not too bad, but I don't put my life on hold because I have a disease. Life is too precious!
  • Avatar
    over 3 years ago
    It's up to him not you. I think it says something about you. I wouldn't leave someone I loved if they developed a disease z would you? Deal with your disease as best you can, he has already said it's ok. He's ready to take it on cuz he cares for you
  • Avatar
    over 3 years ago
    If he says that he is OK with the fact that you have a seizure he means it. Guys are not very complicated. Figure out what your fear is about this situation. We women are terrified of not being able to maintain the in control, perfect exterior. When you seizure at that point you have no control. That can be scary, and I understand that it could be a potentially embarrassing moment for you. However, if he is a good friend then he will be understanding to your situation.
  • Avatar
    about 3 years ago
    If he really loves you, he would accept all aspects of you.
  • User_319831
    almost 3 years ago
    you should try to put yourself in his position,but if hes ok with the fact that you could have a seizer.love should be beutiful,not scary.i think you should go with what you thyink is best.
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