I have been with my boyfriend on and off for about four years. The first time we broke up, we were about to finish college and he said he wanted to explore. Being as I'd had what I consider my fair share of "exploring" & he'd only had 2 serious gfs (me included), I understood it. It hurt, obviously, but I honestly understood. While we were broken up he kept pursuing me and since I still loved him I tolerated his selfish behavior. Eventually, we got back together though I'm not sure when. I then found out I needed open heart surgery so I left my job to take care of myself. I became insecure and emotionally unstable and I lashed out at him and we argued incessantly. During one of our huge fights he admitted to me that he never explored and that breaking up was a big mistake on his part. But he also said that while he loved me he was no longer in love with me and that he needed to rethink whether or not he wanted to stay together bc he said he "needed" to be in love. However, we kept talking things through and eventually we just stopped arguing. I had my surgery and he was very supportive through the whole thing and we haven't argued since before my surgery which was about a few months ago. He still treats me the way he did before we broke up the first time. He's still endearing, affectionate, & intimate with me and he spends time with my family and brings me along with his. Though things have improved tremendously, I still can't shake the "needing to be in love" part because honestly I dont think we'll get that again nor do I need it. I think he's looking for that initial love/lust feeling/spark you get during the honeymoon stage of a relationship. But we've seen each other ****, vomit and he's seen me in the hospital when I haven't showered for days. We're way past what I feel is a superficial & fleeting feeling of being "in love." His actions make me feel that he loves me, though he hasnt said it since we broke up, but I need to know for sure. Does he love me or not? Be brutal.
