How Are Your Relationships?

I am a retired firefighter and fire service instructor. Now that I
am retired, I find myself at a new beginning in life. 

I find myself lost at times wondering who I am and what I want to
do now.

My career was my life, after a divorce in 1988, I never remarried.
I found it easier to avoid personal relationships rather than
to subject someone else into my lifestyle, after all I did more than
a job,  I helped others and saved lives and was also ready to make
the ultimate sacrifice in doing so.

Tramatic Stress Disorder and Critical Incident Distress Syndrome
may seem odd to someone that knows nothing about these disorders.

The family and spouses of the military, police force and fire
department know all too well the worry and frustations they
endure for they know anything can happen in the line of duty.
They also know how close a unit can be.  They know that there
is a bond of brotherhood, for they work and live together and
are as close as family.

I am having to re-evalute myself, to strength my emotional
intellegence for I could see myself distancing  myself from others.
Becoming more and more self-reliant and falling in a comfort zone
of being without the close ties of family and friends.

I didn't know I even had a problem until I found myself expressing
anger and not know why. 

I sought professional help and started anger management only to
discover that my life experiences were the root of my problem.
My consciencous mind was trying to suppress my traumatic memories,
inctead of my subconsciencous mind, so when an outside distraction
occurred I would express anger for being disturbed.

With the anger was also the feelings of anxiety and depression.

Emotional Intellegence is about being able to control negative
thoughts with postive ones.

I had a deep seated depression because my feelings become
embedded inside me over time instead of getting the help I
needed at an early stage.

Through the power of the mind you are able to become the
person you want to become.  Well, I want to be the person
I used to be, even better.

I am finding it hard to communicate with others, for most
of my life expierence is what people should not have to see
and hear about, and one I was having trouble to forget. I
have improved, however, what you experience in life remain
a part of you and I will always have those memories. You
can embed positive thoughts but you also still have the
negative ones - management and control is about how you
deal with these thoughts.

I am trying to start my own business, and building relationships
with others is a major part of it's success.  If I am not able
to communicate and establish relationships then I have already
failed.  I am determined and committed to my success and failure
is not a possibilty that I even consider in my thoughts.

Therefore, I have sought ways and means to change my inner
being.  Sure it will not be easy, but it is also Not Impossible.

I have joined this community as a means of working to a better
me by working on my relationship building skills. 

This is the first step - for it is a way of communicating and
it also gives you an idea of who I am, shat my core values are,
and what a few of my goals are.

For I am having to find new things to talk about, other than my
life experience.

Relationships are built on a common ground.
I have lost common ground within the relationship with myself,
and in my personal realtionships.
 
I have a journey to travel in my self-development efforts
and this journey is the common ground I share with you for
I believe everyone has the desire for self-improvement and
development.

William Meadows