Jealousy or Hate?

(3 replies)

by alibabe414

about 1 year ago

Viewed 619 times

Okay...I feel kinda of silly for posting this- but I'm getting desperate to figure this out. I have a friend/ex, which I'll call Guy 1...been friends for almost 10 years, and had a relationship two different times- each only lasting a few weeks. After we broke up about a year ago, I got together with my current boyfriend (Guy 2). Ever since the broke up with Guy 1 (a brutal argument over my addiction), he has refused to talk to me. If he makes eye contact, it's brief and emotionless. Something really weird happened last night though, I was playing a game of basketball with a bunch of other friends like we do every week- I was watching because I didn't feel too well though. Of course, Guy 1 was there because we have a large group of mutual friends- so he's unavoidable...anyway, he was messing around like he always does shooting hoops- just being his normal self. But suddenly when Guy 2 showed up ...Guy 1 suddenly got, I guess angry and shot me a look- which was strange, because I have never seen him angry, its not his personality at all...When Guy 2 joined in the game, the two of them just went at it- Ive never seen such an intense game, they both seemed really heated- no one else playing ever got ahold of the ball because these two were fighting so hard...It was exhausting to watch. Anyway, later that night, Guy 2 told me how irritated he gets when Guy 1 is around and the way he acts- and he thinks Guy 1 is still into me (he says he "can tell cuz he's a guy" and "knows how guys work"), which makes no sense because he ignores me...but now I feel really uncomfortable inside- and its driving me crazy. What could be going on? Is he really trying to make me jealous, or does he just hate me?...If i need to explain more, let me know...but any advice would be seriously appreciated... :/

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editorNadia replied about 1 year ago:

It doesn't sound like he hates you at all. In fact, it sounds like he's really protective of you. Maybe he still wants to be with you, but whether he wants a relationship or a friendship, he's getting a little territorial when your boyfriend comes around. Have you asked him if he thinks Guy 2 is good for you? Do you think Guy 2 is good for you? You mentioned that your initial fight with Guy 1 was about your addiction. There are many different kinds of addictions, but I want to say first off that if your addiction is in any way potentially harmful to your health, then I definitely encourage you to reach out to someone for help. If it is potentially harmful, then Guy 1 may really care about you and want the best for you, especially since you've been friends for so long, so your argument and his reaction to Guy 2 might have been his ways of trying to help you. I always find it helpful to assume the best of someone else's intentions and approach them from that place. You might try talking to Guy 1 about what's going on with the intention of just listening and really hearing what he's feeling right now.

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alibabe414 replied about 1 year ago:

Thank you for the response. I hadn't thought of "protective" as an option. As for the addiction situation, I'm going through a recovery process- and doing very well. I have thought of trying to ask him (Guy 1) and talk to him about it, but like I said...he refuses to talk to me, at least, one-on-one...which I'm 99.9% sure the situation requires. The thought of his reaction being protective is actually quite comforting- so I'm really hoping that could be it. Thank you again for taking the time to post a reply!

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beauty55 replied about 1 year ago:

A little bit of both. Find some place else where there isn't so much conflict between the both of them. Find a place that you both can be free of the crap of guy 1- ok. --------------------------------------------------------------move it and keep it moving.

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