I have been dating a man for almost 5 months. we met shortly after ending a 4 yrs relationship that was very difficult to end as we had a lot of passion in the relationship, an amazing sex life but all the basic values of a long term relationship were lacking... No long term commitment no engagement or plans of anything other than a right now relationship, and many other values that didnt click between us. My new boyfriend is a wonderful person who has treated me far better. has showed more interest in my life, my goals and a genuine interest in making me happy with the exception of intimacy and sex. I do believe because of my previous relationship I have made it difficult for him to measure up in that we just dont have the chemistry that I was so enchanted with in my past relationship. I have tried to build this with him as I find him very attractive but have struggled with his inability to pleasure me the same way my ex did and also more frustrating the frequency of our intimacy. I have shared my frustrations with him and unfortunately he has pulled away even more on a physical level. I am very open, very sexual and provacative in ways that would make most men totally desire physical contact and connection with me, however it is a struggle for us and although when he does engage it can be quite adventuresome he just doesnt quite fill the void. More importantly its the frequency that is lacking. I can go 4 days without seeing him and we hang out do fun things together have great laughs and then Kapoot no intamcy at the end. We had a slight exchange recently about my frustrations, I emailed him an article about the difference between sex and intamacy which is what I feel Im mostly missing. I thought it would open a door for us to discuss but he wont engage in one. We did go to an adult store and had a pretty decent experience following but that was 5 days ago. I saw him this afternoon we hung out had dinner and he retreated home.... NOOO SEX before he left. I am frustrated! I dont feel chemistry with hi and I ahte to blame him but I fel he is why, Ive tried initiating and it works but if I dont he rarely initiates sex unless its bedtime. Im missing the spontaneous fun and attraction that was endless with my ex. I have also discussed spontinuity with my boyfriend and right after he stepped uo to the palte for a day or two then right back to the same dulldrum! I think the issue lies within him, I think he's fearful of intamcy I think Ive made him feel inadequate and now Im trying to decide to I stay in this relationship and keep working on this or do I jump ship ! I was ina 20 yr marriage wher sex was an issue and I was so unhappy, I dont want to settle again but I fear that I may heve surmounted this problem with being to open and too vocal about my frustrations and now he has retreated because I have made him feel inadequate. When we have had sex I always tell him it was awesome, amazing whether it was or not but I have complained about the frequency! Help is this lack of chemisrty a wast of time, should I just move on and realize he makes a better friend than lover, but possibly losing a life partner with potential as he has all these other qualities!
