mrs.loser

(7 replies)

by gena k 1

over 1 year ago

Viewed 866 times

im 45,married to a man with no feelings,never compliments me always puts me down,this isnt new its been this way since birth,mom was bi-polar,abusive its like ive been marked no matter how sweet how much i do for others nothing.now im 45overweight,in a dead end job,is that it,now im old fat,is that it when do i get to feel good

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whoisit replied over 1 year ago:

Please don't call yourself that! I know how hard it is when you experience the type of feelings you are experiencing, but you've got to take matters into your own hands. Keep being sweet and doing for others, it makes you the beautiful person you are. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or take a nice hot bubble bath and read a good book. Do it for you! You get to feel good when you permit yourself to feel good. I have been where you are before, and find the only one who can truly help you in this regard is YOU! May I recommend a book...it's called "When I Loved Myself Enough", sorry I forget the author. It's short and sweet and just may put you on the right track. All the best to you.

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whoisit replied over 1 year ago:

Please don't call yourself that! I know how hard it is when you experience the type of feelings you are experiencing, but you've got to take matters into your own hands. Keep being sweet and doing for others, it makes you the beautiful person you are. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or take a nice hot bubble bath and read a good book. Do it for you! You get to feel good when you permit yourself to feel good. I have been where you are before, and find the only one who can truly help you in this regard is YOU! May I recommend a book...it's called "When I Loved Myself Enough", sorry I forget the author. It's short and sweet and just may put you on the right track. All the best to you.

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whoisit replied over 1 year ago:

Please don't call yourself that! I know how hard it is when you experience the type of feelings you are experiencing, but you've got to take matters into your own hands. Keep being sweet and doing for others, it makes you the beautiful person you are. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or take a nice hot bubble bath and read a good book. Do it for you! You get to feel good when you permit yourself to feel good. I have been where you are before, and find the only one who can truly help you in this regard is YOU! May I recommend a book...it's called "When I Loved Myself Enough", sorry I forget the author. It's short and sweet and just may put you on the right track. All the best to you.

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amgarcia replied over 1 year ago:

Hi, What was the last thing you did for you that made you happy or good about yourself? If you see/feel that you are not encourage by others, why don't you start with a small change: think about you!! I agree with whoisit, start with "small" changes (haircut, nail color, dress, purse, shoes, a class of something you always wanted) anything, because YOU DESERVE IT, you been good with others so be good with yourself too.

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shannansouza replied over 1 year ago:

I definitely know how you feel. My father was abusive emotionally and physically. If he had anything to say to me it was negative. I had a real complex for a while- always found myself with the wrong type of man. I ended up weighing over 220 lbs and so depressed that I stopped eating for months to combat my weight problem when really I was grasping for some control in my life. It wasn't until I decided that it was enough that things got better. I had to make it work for myself. I joined a gym that had a bunch of dance exercise classes which really boosted my self esteem and made me happy. I changed the people I hung around with- choosing people that were happy and positive instead of condescending and back stabbing. Now I'm 140, doing CrossFit (if you don't know what this is, I suggest you look it up, it really makes a woman feel strong about herself), and engaged to a man who really loves me and treats me right. He actually tells me I'm pretty and that he's lucky to have me! I suggest you start going out and doing things for you. Join an exercise program with your best friend. Once you start to feel like you're you again, then assess your relationship. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? You could try therapy before anything drastic.

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Celeste1965 replied 8 months ago:

I know where you are coming from.

I was married for 17 year to an angry, abusive and controlling man. I read a book (after I divorced him) that explained what goes on in the mind of angry men. It was called "Why Does He Do That" by Lndy Bancroft. I wished that I had read it 10 years ago.

The verbal and emotional abuse started about 3 years into the marriage, after the birth of our first child.

My ex husband never told me that I was beautiful--not once in the 20 years we were together...not even when we were dating. I ended up feeling worthless, and ugly. I had to divorce him in order to keep my sanity, not to mention what a horrible example it would set for our two children.

He was very devious in his abuse. He never mistreated me in any way in front of my family, or in social settings. Near the end, he became comfortable in showing his control over me in front of his parents.

I've been divorced for over a year and a half now. I am struggling financially after losing my job 6 months ago. It hasn't been easy, but as Dr. Phil would say: "I'd rather be lonely alone than miserable with someone else."

Divorce was my only option because he was not going to change. His father treats his mother the same way, and his Paternal grandparents had an abusive marriage as well.

I'll keep you in my prayers, gena k.

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!

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Celeste1965 replied 8 months ago:

Sorry for the mis-spelling! Lundy Bancroft was the author I mentioned above.

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