scared of commitment?

(5 replies)

by geenjen

over 1 year ago

Viewed 724 times

I have been with a gentleman for 4 years now. The odd thing is, I am not sure what our relationship would be labeled. He is extremely religious and has shared with me that "he believes that marriage is not what God has in mind for him." He enjoys coming to MY house and resting/sleeping on my couch, maybe even having a meal with us, and my children (boys ages 13 and 10) disappear to their rooms. Then he feels entitled to feel me up or want some type of intamacy, including sex. He lives with his mom and two siblings, he works a high profile job which leaves him on call 24/7, has no children, and was actually a virgin when we started dating. He is very religious, but seems to not have a problem having premarital sex and he won't move in with me because that is against his religion. He is really conflicted. I need something to say that he wants me to be with him for the long run, not just for some fun here and there. I lost my husband 5 years ago, so I do miss having a presence in my life. He just doesn't seem to want to be as present as I need him to be! Help!

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editorNadia replied over 1 year ago:

This guy seems to be telling you straight up that he's not the marrying kind and with guys like that, you can't hold your breath because they will never change. Especially when you have kids, it's really important to be with someone who can be a stable presence in their lives, so if it's been four years and he's still not ready for that commitment, it might be time to say goodbye. You deserve someone who will be a totally equal partner, supporting you whenever you need him, not someone who crashes on your couch and feels you up when you're not in the mood. If he wants you, let him earn you! Losing a husband is really hard and we do get used to having someone there with us, but having someone who doesn't meet your needs and won't pull his weight can be worse than having no one at all. Rely on your friends and family to fill those gaps while you look for a true gentleman who can give you the care and commitment you deserve.

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kochj replied over 1 year ago:

I would have to agree with Nadia. It seems to me that you want to feel like a priority in this man's life. You have children, as do I, and his inconsistency in your life and your children is unstable. I double- minded man can never be trusted. Maybe he is committed to you sexually but spiritually he is not. If you are seeking out advice on the topic I think you honestly know what it is you need to do. Let this relationship go, for now. Tell him that he is unable to give you and your kids the stable environment that you want and deserve. Do this without manipulation or an ultimatum. If he cares for you then he will do the next right thing. Four years is a long time to be with someone without fully understanding where exactly you stand with him.

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mafrose replied over 1 year ago:

It sounds like he doesn't feel he needs to be married with the "comforts" he is shown by you! But he also sounds like he has his own Religion!! I would not continue such a relationship and certainly this can not be a good roll model for your children! You are worth loving and this is not love or respect! I/Myself, would end this ASAP! Also, you are not happy with this arrangement, so why continue?

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bettyliem replied over 1 year ago:

He lives with his mother? Are you kidding me? How old is this guy? He should be out by now, right? Doesn't the fact that he still lives with his mom raise a red flag? He might be emotionally immature. He may need to experience more in life in order to decide to settle down. Good luck!

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beauty55 replied about 1 year ago:

Look girlfriend if he's in it for booty-call sex then you don't want or need him. What about your feelings- HUH. Don't come to my house sleeping on my couch and having a meal when your so afraid of committing to me- leave me alone. He isn't entitle to want sex from you or feel you up. If you allow it then your STUPID. Get to know him first before you GIVE UP ANY OF YOUR SELF- WORTH TO ME. If he's not wanting to commit to you but wants his cake with the sex- FORGET HIM. Your boys want to see you with someone WHO RESPECTS THEIR MOM- NOT SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME WITHOUT FORGETTING MY CHILDREN. Old girl- get some brains- he's not worth it. Raise those boys with respect for you as well as when then become MEN AND HAVE GIRLFRIENDS OF THEIR OWN. You don't let anybody use you for the sake of USING YOU TO GET WHAT THEY WANT AND THEN THE RESPECT IS OUT THE WINDOW. COMMON SENSE IS THE WORD.

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