trust and deception

(4 replies)

by JoyceB

about 1 year ago

Viewed 625 times

Without telling a long story, I been with BF of 5 years. We do not live together due to my children (now 19 & 20 YO) who are in college. I don't blame him there. I have had reasons to question his loyalty in the past and after being told by a 20 YO waitress at a restuarant we frequented that he was repeatedly calling her and asking her out. I split up with him. We split for 4 months. We are 50 YO, not children, not our first "rodeos". I started seeing someone else and was going on with my life. I was told by his sister and his mom that he did not do well without me. Anyway, we got back together and now 2 years later it seems like the crap is starting again. My question to anyone out there is "If I have a gut feeling and only a gut feeling that he is less that honest, how do I handle it?" Of course, if I question him he deny it. I have considered hiring someone to watch him like maybe a private eye or someone just to check on him from time to time. I have no one I can confide in, so I bounce this off of any one out there.

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loveme12 replied about 1 year ago:

Your problem is that you following the same route so your going to get the same results in the end which is, you feel that he isn't loyal. If you keep on taking him back your'e going to always feel this non security towards the relationship you have. You have to learn to ACCEPT and stop being in denial and go on with you life without him, and for you to even CONSIDER hiring someone to watch him says a lot about the relationship, that isn't healthy and lacking a lot of emotional security. Remember always listen to your intuition a.k.a gut feeling.

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BNatural76 replied about 1 year ago:

Simply put, if you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. Don't lower your standards by settling. You know what you deserve and someone that's not trustworthy and honest is not it. 50 YO...your time is too precious to waste on someone like that. Please don't waste your $$$ on getting someone to follow him. Be strong and move on. Who knows, the man for you could be just around the bend, but you'll never know unless you love yourself enough to let him go.

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Babygirl1313 replied 12 months ago:

dump him

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cheetox3 replied 11 months ago:

i'm sort of in the same boat ... ive known my S/O for 6yrs now , but only have been together for about 5mo . unfortunately my cheating was revealed with the girl who i was dating at the time .. so we decided to give it a try and become a couple . well, come to find out .. we both have a thing with being "flirtatious" , and TRUST" has been the issue over n over ! anyway, the thing is this .. when two ppl have a past of "cheating " in their relationships , its always gonna be in back of your mind that you're being cheated on. sometimes it may be a fact .. or it can be insecurity" ! if two ppl say to each other that their willing to put all of the past behind them n make something with u , us , as the individual have to take it as that and do ur best to "TRUST" that person that they will not jepordize the relationship. and believe me, it's gonna be hard" ... but if u love that person you have to learn to "TRUST" them totally .. or if not , you'll be pulling ur hair out as long as u stay with that person.

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