GoldfishGal
replied about 1 year ago:
I'm so sorry to hear this. I completely empathize and have had experience in 2 major heart breaks (one is occurring now). Here is my advice:
1.) Do not communicate for a period of time.
-It's painful staying in touch. You both love and care for each other. But talking about feelings is not going to change the reality of the situation.
-This being said, pick a date to schedule a phone call or email. You can even pick who will initiate the communication. When I did this with my ex, I said I would send him an email April 26. That way no one has worry:
"When should I contact him/her? Is it appropriate....."
Anxiety is usually reduced when there are markers. This way you both know what to expect. And this way you can feel more comfortable knowing that you will talk again, it's not like you are cutting each other out of your lives. You just need to take the time to reflect and get adjusted to this new major life change.
Once you guys check in and see how everyone is coping, you can choose from there to set up another marker, or if more frequent communication can be ok. Remember, if you start hurting again, it's ok to say you need more time to heal. Do take this time. You need to learn how to live without him, and this is a nice way of knowing he's still around, just not in the same way he used to be.
2.) Don't spend too much time alone
-Make sure you have a good support group. Whether it is a friend, family member,or therapist you check in with every day, weekly, etc.
-Try not to eat alone. Invite people over for dinner, coffee. To spend time on the weekends. It's ok to be alone, and you will need to do this, but it's ok to also get by with a little help from your friends.
3.) Don't feel weak or guilty asking and getting help.
4.) Do something you love every day. Plan things to look forward to.
-Doesn't have to be a major thing. If you like to read, read for 20 min a day. If you like to go to Zumba, make sure you go every week. You could do something big like plan a little road trip, audition for a play, whatever it is that your heart desires. Just remember to treat yourself kindly and have some fun.
5.) Take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
-Make sure you are eating well. (But yes, it's totally fine to have some chocolate! Don't deny yourself things you enjoy.)
-Work out. Don't do it if it feels like a chore (if you hate running, don't force yourself to run), but do something you enjoy. Like a dance class, or go for a walk. Just move your body a bit.
6.) More time--more adventures
-Find ways to fill all this newly gained time doing things! Try something you've always wanted to try!
-Another great thing is just reaching out to other people you love (perhaps people you have been a bit out of touch with because this relationship required so much time and energy). Write emails, send snail mail! Bake cookies for friends! Tell people why you appreciate them and value having them in your life. It will make you feel good to express gratitude and what goes around comes around :)
7.) Savor the moment
-When was the last time you just sat and appreciated what you were looking at or listening to? Feel the warmth of a cup of coffee, look at the light hitting the leaves of trees. Just look. Don't think. Take some deep breaths.
8.) Realize this is hard and it's ok to be sad.
-The hardest thing is that you want to move on and be happy right away. But it takes TIME. So, don't get frustrated or upset with yourself when you think of him. When you hear a song on the radio and get sad. When you are in bed by yourself. It's ok. It's ok to be sad, angry, scared. But it's always darkest before the dawn and feeling this now will make you appreciate things in the future!!
I hope this is a good start!!! Please let me know how you are doing and what works :) (Also write back if you have other questions!!!)
BEST OF LUCK! Sending good vibes your way.
