why cant i be strong and leave

(6 replies)

by monicasalzar

about 1 year ago

Viewed 917 times

been maried seventeen years some good more sad times his cheating destroyed me and i no hes still doing it i neverworked i stayed home to take care of thekids so i depend on him for all our needs im so lost help any advice

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lover4455 replied about 1 year ago:

No matter what happens, you have to always tell your kids everything. If they are old enough to understand, tell them 1 on 1. Not as a group.

Though you need him, please leave him. Ever heard the song "Lie To Me" By Ne-yo? That is exactly what kind of situation you are in. Type it into a search box and listen to it.

You should be getting support from your family. Talk to an older sibling or a parent and tell them anything.

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Sarcatt replied about 1 year ago:

I've walked in your shoes minus the cheating (maybe, he accused me of cheating). I was a stay at home mom with three kids while he went out all the time with his friends. I finally found my backbone when I got a job. I established my own credit, got my ducks in a row and kicked his sorry behind out. It took time, counselling and courage but, I did it and so can you. There's a reason for spousal and child support. You'll need to learn to budget wisely and get all your financial information together now. Find out if all the credit is in his name.

I don't know how old your children are but, if they're older, they may have already guessed what's going on. I agree that you need to talk to them one on one but try not to make him the bad guy (the urge will be overwhelming, I know). Make sure they understand it's not their fault and that you're there for them if they need to talk. Reassure them that things will be fine even though they may be tough emotionally and financially.

Remember, you're worth more than being cheated on. Stay strong and find a good lawyer who will help you navigate these unfamiliar paths. You can do it!

On the flip side, if you want to reconcile, make sure you find a good couples counsellor and set boundaries for him to follow. He's broken your trust and it's going to take a lot of time to re-build that. If he wants to stay together, he's going to have to learn to walk the walk and talk the talk.

Whatever you choose, look after yourself and the kids. You worth it!

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Moon goddess 53 replied about 1 year ago:

I think the best thing you can do is to go back to school,find something you would like to do and do it.The confidence you will build and the independence will give you all the strength you need. This is your life too, not just your children's and not your husband but yours! You can depend on yourself and you will be even more beautiful than ever before.

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lisakholder replied about 1 year ago:

I suggest starting on a dual path: First, prepare yourself financially for the possibility of being on your own. See an attorney and see what you would be facing in terms of the financial dissolution of your marriage. This should help you prepare for what you need to do for yourself and your children, and it will help you to establish a time-line for when you actually walk out the door with a sense of security.

Second, when you're ready to throw down the gauntlet, tell him that you're aware of his infidelity, and that if he wants to continue with the marriage, he'll have to stop cheating and make a strong effort at couples' counseling. You have to be prepared for a variety of reactions, because he honestly may not value your relationship like he once did. This does not affect your value as a human being. If he doesn't want to continue with the marriage, thank him for his honesty and let nothing hold you back from taking some time to get to know your single self, and then finding someone for a mutally loving relationship.

Either way, therapy is probably necessary for both of you (staying together) or you yourself (if you're divorcing). I would think that it would be a good idea to annouce the divorce, if there will be one, to the kids as a couple, but a therapist can tell you for sure. Anger might seem like good company, but because of your kids, you have to be especially carefull about maintaining a sense of decorum if divorce is the road you choose.

On a lighter note, watching, "He's Just Not that Into You" and reading Steve Harvey's, "Act Like a Lady, but Think Like a Man", have a funny way of bringing home some need-to-hear truths regarding relationships and dating.

Good Luck to you. You have more power than you think you do! Use it wisely.

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Suzyh19 replied about 1 year ago:

Hi! sounds like not a good relationship at all, you have given him 17 years so I feel you can't waste the rest of your life on someone that is deceitful and not committed to you. You don't want to waste the rest of your life tolerating this situation only to realise one day that you have a miserable future & you are too old to make any changes. You need a plan!!! Get a job or do some education to achieve that goal. You may have to ask someone close to give you some support with your children so you can acheive this. Basically you need some financial independence and to believe that you are able to overcome this situation. You do not need him & down the track you will need some legal advice to ensure he is financially supportive of your children. Counselling I feel would not be successful as he really doesn't love you. Unless you believe there is a chance he will change his behaviours. All the best to you!

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bettyliem replied 11 months ago:

Maybe you have no life other than what has been invested in your marriage. Find a hobby?

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