Like the best meditation teachers, Ora Nadrich wants us to connect to our authentic selves to achieve goals. Many people pursue mindfulness to feel more fully present in their lives and concentrate better. But unlike other meditation programs which clog our newsfeeds in a very un-Zen way, Nadrich wants us to get there through sex.
Nadrich emphasizes that mindfulness, or a state of awareness that helps us pay attention to our lives, won’t just help us during sex — it’s actually extremely important in all aspects of the bedroom. We had the chance to talk with Nadrich via email about her upcoming book Says Who? How One Single Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever, and get the inside scoop on how our state of mind can completely transform our sex lives.
YouBeauty: Aside from the sexual benefits, why should we pay attention to mindfulness in the bedroom? Can it improve other areas of your life?
Ora Nadrich: All of the areas of our life are greatly improved if we practice mindfulness. Our attention and awareness increases, and all of our senses are working optimally. We are able to connect to the best of ourselves when we are mindful, and therefore able to give the best of ourselves to others.
One of the most important places to practice mindfulness is in the bedroom. This is where people are very vulnerable and want to feel they can let their guard down with someone they trust and feel safe with. In order for that to happen effectively, both parties must be present in the room — mind, body and spirit — and able to focus their attention on one another 100%. To connect intimately with someone, you need to be fully aware of what their needs are. If you’re distracted, or your mind isn’t completely there, then you can’t be sensitive to someone else’s needs. Mindfulness is about being fully present with total awareness, and that’s how you need to be in the bedroom to have the best intimate and sexual experience possible. [Click on to read more…]
How do you suggest women stay mindful during sex with a new partner, when the sex often isn’t so great at first?
The best way for women to stay mindful during sex is to communicate to their partner what their needs are. This is important even before sexual intimacy begins. A woman needs to honor her feelings and her body, and not allow herself to push what she’s feeling down or away. By being fully present, even if she’s having feelings of insecurity, doubt, or dissatisfaction, she can communicate to her partner what she’s experiencing. Hopefully he’s able to receive what she’s expressing with sensitivity and meet her needs accordingly.
If, at any time, she is feeling uncomfortable, or if the sex isn’t good or doesn’t feel right for her, she can express to her partner that she would like to stop, and he should respect her feelings and do so. Afterward, she can decide if she wants to be intimate with her partner again or if he’s not someone she wants to pursue a relationship with. If she does want to see him again, and there was something she needed to share to help him understand her or her body better, she can do it thoughtfully and sensitively.
Stepping out of your comfort zone in the bedroom means being open to trying new things, but not if you’re too uncomfortable to do it, or if you feel you have a partner that isn’t “mindful” of your needs, boundaries or limits. You can express to your partner what you’d be open to doing, and what you’re not open to, and that you need to go at your own pace, which means not being rushed or forced to do what doesn’t feel comfortable or right for you. Communication is very important when it comes to sexual intimacy, and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about how you feel at any point along the way.
Is a lack of mindfulness a common problem, or a sign of trouble in your relationship?
A lack of mindfulness is a common problem, and can definitely be a sign of trouble in your relationship. Mindfulness is a quality we all have but don’t necessarily use, and with time in a relationship, it’s easy to take one another for granted and forget to be consistently mindful. You don’t want to wait until there’s trouble in your relationship to address the importance of mindfulness. The key is to make an effort to be mindful with your partner daily.
Pre-order “Says Who?” and snag tickets to hear Ora speak on mindfulness and sex in-person at oranadrich.com.