We often hear that love will save the day, but can it still conquer significant differences in values and compatibility? People who are in love or a state of infatuation tend to exaggerate the partner’s good parts and gloss over the bad. They’re genuinely trying to build happiness and longevity when a relationship is first starting, but this attention ends up backfiring in the long run.

When building a long-term relationship with someone you are in love with, you need to consider that you are both responsible for your own happiness first before anything else. This means communicating clear boundaries, bringing up important issues, and discussing problems from day one. This isn’t typically seen as romantic, but it’s necessary to avoid resentment and big fights down the road.

Sometimes, you’ll go so deep in making excuses for the one you love that you don’t notice a deep incompatibility. When two people choose to focus on all the good to make the relationship last and put off those significant differences in values, they are more likely to suffer from a broken heart years later. A relationship is a big investment, and the first step toward a good return is understanding that dialogue and transparency are vital indicators of success.

Your compatibility doesn’t dictate your success with the one you love, but a willingness to discuss the tough issues does. Don’t go through a relationship thinking that love is a magical notion that will make things better in the end. Love is a shared experience two people have when they take care of each other and make an effort. A healthy relationship comes out of collaboration and compromises.