Australian journalist Patrick Abboud made his parents proud recently with a report on Sex Mountain, an actual place in Indonesia where thousands travel to a mountaintop to have sex every 35 days. Yes, it needs to happen every 35 days.As Australian news.com.au explained, thousands of Indonesian pilgrims travel to the top of Sex Mountain (real name: Gunung Kemukus) to participate in a religious ritual: sleep with someone besides your partner seven consecutive times in order to achieve “good luck and fortune.” The rules are clear: the wealth-granting magic of Sex Mountain dissolves if you have sex with your spouse instead of a new Sex Mountain friend.As Indonesia is an Islamic country, many of the pilgrims are devout Muslims. Patrick Abboud, the Australian journalist for “SBS Dateline” who was granted access to Sex Mountain, called it “really emotional watching lots of people praying. Once that’s over, pilgrims find a partner.”But there are problems on Sex Mountain. Men travel without their wives (surprise!) which has spawned a sex work ring; Abboud said “thousands” of sex workers were at the site when he visited. Since the men often didn’t want to wear condoms, disease was rampant. The government has not stepped in because the pilgrims pay a fee to visit. And this, people, is why we can’t have nice things, like orgies on mountains every 35 days.

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