We’re less than a month away from the ‘50 Shades of Grey’ film, which means that we’re less than a month away from never hearing about “50 Shades of Grey” again for the love of Jamie Dornan please please until they inevitably make a sequel, Amen. Until then, here is a 50 Shades-themed Vermont Teddy Bear that you may buy for yourself on Valentine’s Day because you can bet damn sure no one else is going to buy it for you.
Here’s the deal with the bear:
She read the books. She can’t wait for the movie. So play along and don’t get spanked this year. Send your special someone this limited edition bear. He even comes with a pair of Bear-sized handcuffs. Yes, handcuffs! Your wife, girlfriend, hubby, or boyfriend can’t help but submit to loving this handsome Bear. The bear retails for $89.99.
The Vermont Teddy Bear Company missed a marketing opportunity here: The only person who is going to cough up 90 bucks to buy you a bear with handcuffs, my friends, is you. Dominate Valentine’s Day this year. Buy yourself a Bear in a suit and tiny handcuffs, if you feel like it. We’re not judging you!!! Live your truth. I know you read the books cuz I SAW them on your Kindle.
But what’s this? The 50 Shades bear was also introduced last year? He was posed differently then, but those are the certainly the same dead eyes. Last year’s bear was deemed safe for all ages, but the Fifty Shades of Grey Bear of 2015 comes with no such explicit claim. If you have $90 and know how to tie a tiny tie, I say this – do you need a Valentine that looks like a small bear version of a movie character based on a book character based on fanfiction based on a movie based on a book?