Any woman who has been in a romance that left her angry, hurt and confused wonders why she chose that partner in the first place. If the relationship failed to meet her emotional needs, why did she kept coming back for more? Most of us have been there. Eventually we move on when we realize the unwise or unfulfilling relationship isn’t going to change. But ending an unsuccessful romance often leaves women with a sense of failure and anxiety. How can we prevent making the same mistake again? Make this the day you do things differently and start finding the right guy for you.
1) Give it 90 days
After 90 days, you’ll be able to see clearly the patterns of a new love. Are you good for each other? A “yes” answer is a signal to keep on going. You’ll want to see whether the romance continues to grow as a solid relationship. If “no” is your instinct, recognize the relationship is unlikely to turn into one that provides the emotional support you deserve.
2) Wait out the chemistry
Madly “In love” is truly an altered state or, as Plato said, “divine madness.” Your body is turned on and your emotions are running crazy. Good chemistry is a wonderful thing but decide to hold off committing until the crazy-making combo of hormones and bursting heart have calmed down. Whether it’s six months or two years, wait it out until the intense first passion levels off. Then you’ll be able to decide whether to sell your condo and go back-backing in Nepal with your love.
3) Expect emotional support
Finding a partner who supports you emotionally is the one thing that guarantees a good relationship. At the same time, ask yourself if you are ready to bolster him when he is in emotional need. Couples need to support each other for a healthy relationship. Here’s the tricky part: failing to get emotional support often keeps us running back into a toxic relationship. We think next time he’ll come through, but he never does. That’s a relationship that’s never going to come to a happy ending.
4) Focus on the relationship
Think about the elements that would give you the experience of a happy relationship and see if your partner delivers them. Contentment ultimately rests on more than your guy’s height, weight or income, but many women draw up a list of specifications that don’t add up to happiness. The relationship that you find is more important than seeking the perfect person.
5) Examine the past
Most of us are on automatic pilot when we choose partners. We look for lovers who meet the expectations we draw from earliest days. If those choices make us unhappy, it may be time to take a look at the influences that shaped us. Is the memory of an unhappy childhood driving you to repeat your parents’ chaotic pattern? It’s not just family but friends and the media that influence ideas of romance. Do you think you need a guy who is “edgy” and “dangerous” to make a relationship exciting? Don’t make the mistake of repeating familiar unhappy choices.