When it comes to dating, we hear all sorts of different rules. Don’t call him, wait for him to call you. Don’t offer to pay for dinner, he should. And one rule we hear the most: don’t sleep with him right away.

I often hear that having sex with someone too quickly into the relationship will ruin it. Wait to have sex with him, and he’ll suddenly respect and want you that much more. I’ve heard this “rule” for as long as I’ve been dating. Still, it’s always left me wondering: does sleeping with someone right away actually ruin the relationship?

At the end of the day, it’s entirely your choice whether you have sex with someone on your first date or your 10th. Some couples have sex shortly after meeting and get into serious, committed relationships. Other couples waited months and broke up soon after. It all depends on the situation, and it all depends on what you and your partner are both comfortable with.

We all know about the “three date rule,” which is basically waiting for at least three dates before having sex. There’s an idea that if you follow this rule, the minute you sleep with him, he’s going to be all yours. But who’s to say that rule works for everyone? You can wait one date, or you wait 20. If you’re not comfortable sleeping with someone right away but feel comfortable after three dates, go for it! But don’t sleep with him JUST because you’ve been on a certain amount of dates and feel like you have to.

And at the same time, if you’re on your first date with someone, things are going great, and you WANT to have sex that day- who’s to stop you? Just because you sleep with someone right away doesn’t mean they’re going to ditch you right after. Everyone is different, and it’s all about choosing the right partner. The right partner should respect you, regardless of what you choose.

Your first time having sex with a new partner shouldn’t be based on a rule, it should be at an appropriate time when both you and your partner are comfortable and want to.