Breaking up is hard to do, and you mourn the loss of your lover. But even in the depths of heartbreak, you want to get over it. If you are ready to ease the pain and move on, change the way you look at the experience. It’s time to tell yourself a new story about the vanished relationship and breakup.
Breakups Happen To Everybody
Somewhere along the line at some time, we all face rejection. It hurts, but it doesn’t make you a loser. It doesn’t make you unlovable. Perhaps he was the most wonderful man in the world, but that doesn’t mean his judgement was seriously flawed when he let you go. Look at the gossip columns filled with stories about the beautiful, accomplished and wealthy celebrities who get dumped. You are in very good company, and you are not alone.
It’s Not You, It’s Me. Wrong! It’s Neither.
No relationship exists in a vacuum. Rifts aren’t always the result of personal flaws, whether his or yours. Circumstances beyond your control may have spurred the breakup. Families can get in the way. Responsibilities such as studies and jobs can cause stress. Geographic distance can put a strain on the strongest relationship. Worries over money can throw a monkey wrench into romance. Take a clear look at outside factors that may have contributed to wrecking the relationship.
Don’t Shoulder All The Blame Unnecessarily
Maybe you think he took you for granted. Maybe he treated you like a doormat. Maybe you think you were too critical. Maybe he didn’t stand up for himself. There were two of you in this relationship, and more than likely both of you contributed to the breakdown. Be honest about what went wrong, but don’t shoulder all the blame if there were intimacy issues.
This Breakup Can Teach You A Thing or Two
Nobody wants to learn the hard way, but a breakup can have its uses when it comes to teaching us a little about ourselves and others. You might look at the men you’ve been choosing and decide to pick a different kind of partner. You may be ready to write off womanizers, momma’s boy and drunks forever. That’s a good thing to learn. You may come to realize you might need to work on considering your partner’s feelings next time. You might want to stand up for yourself more. You may want to communicate better.
Give Yourself A Break.
You would try to console your best friend if she’s going through a bad breakup, wouldn’t you? You would tell her about her great qualities and enviable personality. You would remind her how much she contributed to the late lamented relationship. Why not do the same for yourself? Now is not the time to flay yourself with harsh criticism. Even if the relationship failed, you tried mightily. Give yourself some credit and some love.