How to Have an Orgasm

Try new positions. Vaginal entry from behind can intensify orgasms. Or try climbing on top of him while he’s sitting, but at a slight angle. So if he’s facing 6:00, you face 3:00. You’re sideways. Or lie on your back, with your legs up in the air, as he kneels in front of you. Squeeze your butt muscles right before you think you’ll come.

Take fish oil and cut carbs and soy. Marrena Lindberg, the author of “The Orgasmic Diet” featured on “The Dr. Oz Show,” created her diet when she was inorgasmic. She says that women have boosted their sex drive and orgasms in two weeks to a month by following her program. Every day, you’ll consume a multi-vitamin, a glass of orange juice for extra vitamin C, and fish oil: for a 130 lb woman, 1700 mg EPA and 1300 DHA.

MORE: Omega 3s: Decoding EPA & DHA

You’ll aim for meals with a balance of 40 percent carbs, 30 percent protein and 30 percent fats—in effect a low-carb, high protein diet. Protein portions should be about the size of a deck of cards. She also recommends staying away from soy products altogether, avoiding coffee for six hours before sex and eating a half-ounce of dark chocolate a day. Get the recommended daily allowance of zinc and magnesium to help maintain your testosterone levels. Theoretically, the diet helps regulate your hormones, circulation, muscle tone and brain chemistry. It isn’t proven, but some women swear by it, so you can see if it works for you.

Talk to your doc about medication. Some anti-depressants and anti-hypertensive drugs interfere with orgasms in many women. It’s considered a side effect, so bring it up to your doctor so he or she can work with you on a solution. For some people, switching to the anti-depressant Bupropion (Wellbutrin) can help—some studies suggest that it can even enhance sexual response, although it has not been officially approved for that purpose.

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Have a committed partner. Women have fewer orgasms in hook-ups, in part because men provide less oral sex to a partner who isn’t a girlfriend, according to surveys of college students collected by New York University sociologist Paula England, Ph.D.

Stay aware. Sexual pleasure and emotional rewards deepen when we observe our partners, look for ways to give them pleasure, and respond to their efforts towards us. If you’re both concentrating, you make love together, rather than drift off into your own heads.

Margaret explains her sex life by saying: “We’re thoroughly and entirely present to each other when we’re in bed.” My friend Jamie saw a huge change when she followed advice to "keep searching for the other person and be willing to be seen. It takes a lot of awareness. And it really works."

The odd thing is, with all the pressure in our culture to think about sex, we don’t often hear this wisdom.

You don’t need to come every time, or during intercourse. But it’s healthy to consider whether you’re getting all the pleasure you would like. Orgasms are one of nature’s ways of helping us relax and feel safe. They can soothe cramps and headaches and lull you to sleep. During a climax, we release oxytocin, the bonding chemical, which remains elevated in the bloodstream for at least five minutes. And having orgasms will make your romantic relationships happier—but you knew that.

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Books that can help:

• “For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality” contains many personal stories.
• “Becoming Orgasmic” includes exercises to think about how you gathered your ideas about sex—ideas that can be a huge barrier to pleasure.
• “The Gift of Sex” is written from a Christian point of view, and is a frank and helpful book.