100-year-old women have been giving worse advice than usual lately. Pauline Spagnola, a brand new centenarian in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, credits her long life to “a lot of booze.” What specific type of alcohol we should be glugging for a long and prosperous life was not revealed.

Compare that with 104-year-old Elizabeth Sullivan, who believes her secret to longevity is “three Dr. Peppers a day.” Meanwhile, 109-year-old Jessie Gallan taught us that the trick is simply to “avoid men.” We suppose genetics is probably a more important factor, but who knows.

In the spirit of our elderly pals, I hand-crafted a cocktail recipe practically guaranteed to ensure you live forever.

The Immortality Delight

Step 1) Buy 1 can Dr. Pepper.
Step 2) Pour out half the can.
Step 3) Fill with whiskey. (A cheap brand; you need to buy this every day for over 100 years.)
Step 4) Repeat 3 times daily.
Step 5) Don’t bother making a will because you’re living forever!

According to local news network WNEP, Ms. Spagnola is spending her twilight years in the Golden Living East Mountain Center. She seems pretty happy at her birthday party! Watch all the drama unfold in the video below:

READ MORE: Old Ladies Are In Agreement: Living Longer Means Avoiding Men