Our ideas of what passionate and romantic sex should look like are more likely to resemble what the movies show us—on the spur of the moment and spontaneous. Yet, as often holds true for most aspects of life, the movies don’t always show us the whole picture.
In the reality of our day-to-day lives, we’re often so busy and so focused on the future that we leave little room for the spontaneous sex the movies show us as commonplace. Even when we have some time, we’re usually overworked and tired, making the heat of the moment more directed towards Netflix and the couch than our partner. Yet, stubbornly, we continue to expect our movie magic sex scene to appear for us despite every indication it won’t.
The risk in waiting for the heat of the moment to meet our sexual needs is how likely those sexual needs are to go unmet. We wouldn’t rely on spontaneity for our workouts or our vacations. Why should sex be treated as a mystical process that only occurs through the miraculous aligning of a perfect moment? This moment rarely happens; our lives are not set up for the kind of movie scene spontaneity that our favorite film characters enjoy in their fictional sex lives — keyword: fictional.
So what are you to do if you want to keep the sexual side of your relationship strong but will concede that our modern lives require planning to thrive? Behold the future of sex-scheduling. It might seem like the kind of robotic CEO habit that Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada would have, but it can be your future too, and it doesn’t have to be as calculating as it sounds.
Agree upon a day with your partner where all else gets set aside in favor of spending time together that’s solely guarded for meeting your sexual needs. When you realize that scheduling sex does not differ from scheduling a weekly date night, it can become just another way you put effort into taking care of your relationship.
Scheduling sex can even become its own thrill, as it gives you a concrete event to look forward to and to plan. Spontaneity can be fun, but scheduling sex can allow for a bit of planning that adds a whole different level to the sexual side of your relationship.